Sunday, May 15, 2011

For Cryin Out Loud.

I'm back. Again. Do you want to know why I am not going to post any pictures on this post? Or why its been 3 months since my last post? Because I am Nolen and Ollie's mom. I'm a busy woman. When I do get the chance to maybe sit down and write on the blog- I choose not to- instead I choose SLEEP. Sleep is my most favorite hobby. So yes, this blog has been neglected because of being a mom and SLEEP. BUT- I have felt lately that I, for myself would really like to start blogging's therapeutic.
When I was a little girl I LOVED to play with my dolls and barbies. I couldn't wait to be a mom. When I was a little girl I dreamt of being married to the most wonderful man and living in a house with a flower garden in the front. I am a mom and I am married to the most wonderful man ever. Nope- we don't have a house yet or a flower garden...someday.... But when I was a little girl I didn't think about how HARD it is to carry on the REAL LIFE task of being a wife and mother. It sure is a FULL TIME JOB. FULL TIME.
Today at church Nolen was taken out of the first hour about 5 times. He was hitting and throwing his toys- and the Ollie freaked out and did his normal uncontrollable screaming. Once Nolen was in nursery he was fine- until about a half hour later when Ollie wouldn't calm down and I heard Nolen crying uncontrollably himself in nursery. Long story short- I had tears too. It was one of those moments where I just wanted to quit. Just for a minute. I just needed a break- I wanted to flash back to the days of having NO RESPONSIBILITY for anyone but MYSELF. We took the boys home- put Ollie down, and put Nolen in front of the T.V. to watch Bambi. Owen went back to church and I just layed on the couch trying to fall asleep. Near the last half of the movie Nolen snuggled up to me and soon fell asleep in my arms. Nolen NEVER cuddles. Right then I mushed. I mushed hard. I realized as I was holding my baby that these hard times/days come A LOT, but oh my how it is worth it. Even though at times I want to QUIT the mom/wife business I can't. I physically, emotionally can't. I know that this is my ultimate calling in life- to be a supportive, loving wife to my best friend and to love and raise my children so that we all can be together FOREVER.


Tina said...

Being a wife and mother is hard but so rewarding!!!! I've had those moments too, I think all woman have where we just want to give up but those cuddling moments, the smiles, the hugs and accomplishments from your kids make you melt and want to do it all over again.
I'm glad you are sleeping and taking care of your body when your boys are sleeping. You are doing a fabulous job and you are loved by your three men in your life. You are amazing!!!! :)

Anna Min said...

Aw, shoot, Jules. You know what I see? A breakthrough! You wrote a post! Which means you're coming out of the unknown and into the adjustment of controlled chaos! Besides sleeping, you are actively doing something for your own sanity:)It took me a year to get to that point after having Jeffrey!
I know how much all your boys love you because gosh darn it, I know how much I love you and then add the Mom factor and know. That's a lot:)
Thank you for sharing your Sunday with the rest of the world...and reminding all of us what's important.

flip flop mama said...

Having that second kid so throws things out of whack for months! I can totally relate to the emotional breakdowns. Hope things start to get easier for you!

Cristine Garrison said...

oh man. thank you. i really cant relate yet but today i was feeling so overwhelmed with everything: finances, impending labor, feeling fat and heavy, just the FUTURE "for cryin out loud" :)

but your post gave me a boost. thanks. and of course you need your sleep, but i do love the time devoted to your blog...ahem. i like the updates ok!

Caitlinp said...

Oh thank you! Thank you for saying what I find so hard to say-life as a wife and mom is hard and sometimes it doesn't seem like it will ever enda and then I remember that I don't want it to end (well, besides the diapers and spit up and a couple other things..). Your boys are beautiful and we hope you are all doing well!

Brittany Crane said...

Okay you just made me cry! Love ya Juls a million bjillion times over!